words by Nicola de Burlet

The festive season can be a stressful time for us all, but no less so than in midlife. With elderly relatives, teenagers and young adults all under one roof, there is a multi-generational collision and it is often down to us midlifers to manage the maelstrom as well as putting on a spread and making sure everyone is having a good time.  So whether it’s just for Christmas lunch over a few hours, or for a few festive days, I have some top tips on how to stay sane and have some fun this Christmas season.

Generation Harmony

Our teens, or Gen Z as they are also known, are the digital natives, they live their lives online and are monosyllabic in real life, whereas our parents, the grandparents, are very much from the analogue generation and certainly in our house at the moment, never the twain shall meet. It is incredibly stressful trying to keep the conversation going and ensuring everyone is happy -I can feel my stress levels going up just writing this.

As a result, I decided to get some professional advice about how we can plan ahead and keep things calm this Christmas. 

Manage expectations in advance

Trish Halpin, one-half of the Postcards from Midlife podcast team said the following:

“Manage your expectations about who you are spending the day with. Just because it’s Christmas doesn’t mean that Great Aunt Ethel isn’t going to complain about the turkey if this is what she always does.  If there are specific behaviours or issues that you are worried about, you can create the right emotional space by having a kind but firm word before the day. For example, if your daughter is struggling with friends or is self-conscious about her appearance or weight, ask older guests not to bring it up on the day. And agree with the kids in advance that they will play at least one board game, or whatever you have in mind, with the older relatives”

Jo Glynn Smith, professional transformation coach and also parent to teens says “I find that nothing brings the generations together like old fashioned games – charades is a great one but also the humble board game or even an old fashioned movie”.  I cannot agree more here – I find games that are quick and keep the momentum going (not Monopoly) can keep teens’ interest going and grandparents awake! I have ordered this magnetic chess game from Amazon as a new game this year! 

Keep it simple

Trish says: “Stick to the same routine for Christmas day – same recipes, same timings because you’ll know what you are doing and everyone knows what to expect. Children in particular like traditions and routines, my twins are 20 and we still open our stockings all together in bed on Christmas morning. I’ve been cooking the same recipes from a Christmas issue of Red magazine, back when I first started editing it in 2000, and it’s a winner every year!”

Jo agrees: “Respect is key at this time of year respect one another, no matter who that is, this is a time for togetherness” She recommends having a team talk before the holidays outlining to the teens that this is a time to be present, to enjoy each other’s company and relax and go on walks.  

Ask for help – make sure you allocate jobs, so you don’t have to do everything and start feeling resentful and keep a couple of days free after Boxing Day with no social commitments at all to reset that social battery.

Looking after you and what to do if it all gets a bit much:

It’s your Christmas too and it is important for you to rest, relax and recharge.  Many of us are running businesses and working, and this is our time to enjoy too but as Jodie Cariss, therapist and Co-Founder at Self Space says “ ‘tis the season to sometimes forget to prioritise everyday mental maintenance. With everything going on it can feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day, we recognise our anxiety rising and our natural instinct can sometimes be to try to be everything, to everyone”.    

Here are her tips for the festive season:

1. The gift of self-care – don’t feel obliged to say yes to every dinner or Christmas party and instead surround yourself with the people who truly fill up your cup. Give yourself the permission to protect your time and make the most of the rare windows to slow right down for daily practices like meditation; big, deep belly breaths; stretching or getting outside in nature. Make sure your diary is peppered with want-tos and joyful things as well as the have-tos!  
2. Name it to tame it – get specific about what’s causing you anxiety in advance of the Christmas period. By naming the things that are stressing us out, and pinpointing them exactly, we are able to bring the executive part (prefrontal cortex) of our brains back online and reduce anxiety caused by a build-up of vague stressors. Say it out loud, to yourself or to someone you love or write it down. “I am [insert feeling] about [insert thing that is bothering you]”. It sounds almost too simple to be effective but try it. 
3. Come back to the moment – Periods of stressful situations can cause us to obsess about the future, but your anchor is the moment, you can return to it to find peace, simply by remembering to be here in the present. This prevents you from getting too lost in anxious thoughts. 
4. Write it out – we’re not going to journal our problems away. But you can set your sights on what you can control and prepare for the festive season so make a list of what’s a priority (you, kids, family, rest, connection, food) or make a list of what you don’t want and ways to make sure you can avoid it happening. 

Remember to breathe!

Breathwork can be a helpful tool to stay calm and grounded when things get hectic and the bonus is it can be done anywhere – the downstairs loo, garden shed, wherever you feel the need. Sarah Hyde, breathwork coach recommends box breathing where you inhale for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for four and pause again for four and repeat for 4-6 cycles.  This slows the heart rate and calms the nervous system which will enable you to step away, and regroup before returning to the fray. She also recommends the 4-7-8 breathing before bed, lying on your back, inhale through your nose for a count of 4, hold for 7 and exhale for 8 and repeat 4 times, this prolonged exhale activates the body’s relaxation response helping stress to dissipate and the mind to unwind… 

Product recommendations to aid relaxation this Christmas:

Acupips is a pioneering range of products designed to reduce stress, anxiety and a host of other ailments through the ancient practice of auricular therapy, and they have a specific range of ear seed kits developed for menopause!  These clever seeds come in various finishes to match your earrings – gold, silver, rose gold and even crystal with clear instructions on how to place them and where for your needs.

Self Space have developed some clever conversation prompts cards have been designed to help with meaningful chats between family and friends. A proper conversation can be restorative and often the first step can open up a new level of connection. 

And Begin skincare – the perfect balance of efficacy and luxury – take a bit of time for yourself at the end of a hectic day of hosting with their Balm-to-Oil-Cleanser that will melt the day away leaving skin soft and supple.
Sink into a relaxing bath – if all else fails, a relaxing bath with salts works every time – Westlab have added a Relaxing Bath Salt to their already brilliant range.