Nestled deep within our emotional spectrum, lays an untamed wild beast, waiting silently behind the scenes to expose itself and destroy our serenity. It’s one of the most common and unsettling emotions, revealing the absolute worst in us, even when most of us know better. When triggered, it’s uncontrollable and leaves a trail of destruction in its path, throwing your rational thinking out the window. It’s unattractive, it’s painful and it’s damaging. Girls, it’s time to take action and tame your green-eyed monster.
Picture this, you’re having a quiet night in watching X-Factor and your new boy has a “mate-date” with his bestie. Except his bestie goes by the name of Lucy, is a gorgeous blonde with kissable rosebud lips, sapphire-blue twinkly eyes and is the one all his mates want to date. You tell yourself: “It’s all good, they’re just hanging out”, but you can’t escape that niggling feeling that something could happen. Slowly and steadily the desire to compare yourself to luscious Lucy creeps in, and a couple of wines later you’re imagining your boy curling up to Lucy in front of a crackling fire after a 3-hour romp. They’re whispering sweet nothings to each other and snogging endlessly, covered by a cashmere throw…
Finally, your poisonous visions are interrupted by your phone bleeping. A text from your man, checking in. Your response is short and bittersweet, no kiss. He calls to find out what’s up, but you don’t answer. You’re too pissed off and you want to make him suffer. Let the games begin!
Jealousy is an ugly emotion, a destructive cocktail of possessiveness, suspicious rage and humiliation. It sneaks up uninvited like a silent assassin (especially after a few wines) and before we know it we’re in too deep, over-powered by our alter-ego who wants to lash out, cause trouble and behave irrationally. We become consumed by it, it undermines our self-esteem and it can destroy the very thing we’re jealous of.
A big part of jealousy is comparison. Comparison is a nasty habit that we’re sure you can identify with. Someone has a nicer body or a better job or more money and instead of being happy or supportive, we compare and feel instantly inadequate. When we compare we get hooked on the belief that we’re better or less than someone else. Comparing creates jealousy, resentment, animosity and competition – a toxic mixture!
Now it’s time to ‘fess up, meet your monster head-on and heal. We have some tried-and-tested techniques to help you begin. As you work through them, our advice is to remain open to trying each one. It might be uncomfortable at first, but we promise you they work.
Here’s how to do it:
Accept your jealous side.
Know that at times, everyone is jealous and it’s human nature to experience these emotions. Rejecting your jealous side is rejecting a part of yourself. Trying saying out loud “I accept myself with compassion” and repeat until you feel accepted.
Be grateful for the jealous situation.
Shower a challenging situation with gratitude and it immediately transforms the way you feel about it. Say to yourself “I choose to be grateful for (insert the situation) as it’s helping me grow / heal.
Acknowledge your light.
Choose to know that the uniqueness (or light) you’re seeing in someone else is a reflection of your own inner light. Say to yourself “The light I see in them is a reflection of my own inner light”. This might feel strange at first, but give it a go and see what happens!
Why are you jealous?
Get clear about why. Make a list of people who you’re jealous of and why you feel jealous of them. Is there a common theme? Write it down.
Set yourself free.
Work through the list and imagine each person in front of you. Open your heart and send them love and gratitude. This can be very powerful!
And finally, but most importantly:
Find your uniqueness.
Learning to value, appreciate and love yourself is your jealousy medicine. Start a daily practice of writing down 3 things you value and appreciate about yourself.
We hope you use these techniques to find peace and harmony and tame your monster. He just wants to feel the love. Good luck!
Words by Jody Shield
Jody is an Alternative Therapist, Meditation Practitioner and Inspirational Speaker on Alternative health and wellbeing topics with a residency for London’s Soho House group. She practices globally with private clients and groups, using powerful healing techniques, life-changing coaching and psychological insight. Straightforward, contemporary and aware of the everyday issues you face, Jody believes self-help and inner healing should be available to all and has been referenced as an emerging leader in self-help and healing for the new generation. Visit her website here!